If you're casting your shadow before you
If moving forward you see only darkness, failure and imperfection.
It is possible that the light is at your back
And it's time to turn around.December, 2005
Running the last gauntlet of errands before Christmas, I feel the
desire for a new notebook rise up. Ten running feet of spiral notebooks already
lurk on various shelves, many notebooks only half or three-quarters full. Pads
proliferate. Lack of paper is not the issue. More tantalizing is the
desire is to start fresh, to bask in the shimmering potential of empty pages, to sit
in a small room with a wide view and be able to hear myself think.
November, 2005
Since people of different traditions staff The Word Shop, our faith and
knowledge expands as we encounter the variety of perspectives. The
downside is that I regularly find rare treasures from one tradition priced at a
mere pittance by someone who didn't recognize the diamond in the dust. Or, as was
the case last week, discovering a handful of recently acquired books stuck
outside on our free shelf. "Yikes," I said gathering up Thomas Merton's SIGN OF
JONAS, a book on the Trappists, and a couple of others. "These we need to price
and sell."
October, 2005
A box of books--12-step, psychology, birth order, sexual abuse....I pull out a hardback with no dust jacket and ruffle the pages. THE CHALLENGE OF ART TO PSYCHOLOGY by Seymour B. Sarason. This looks really boring. I place it on the this-looks-really-boring stack. The desk is covered with stacks: prayer, healing, 12-step, family, steals, boring. Later as the desk thins out--books shuffled onto shelves--I remember that the mixing of Art and Psychology is an important part of my writing classes. I look at the book again and decide to take it home.
September, 2005
Opus Dei means work of God, the work that we all hope to take part in. Opus
Dei is also the name of a group within the Roman Catholic Church and a
secret-society bogeyman in Brown's DAVINCI CODE. Founded in 1928 by Josemaria
Escriva, Opus Dei focuses on the holiness of ordinary, everyday work--both as a
means for personal transformation and as a way to transform secular society.
Primarily a "lay organization" Opus Dei currently has around 85,000 members
worldwide, over half of whom are women.
August, 2005
"I hate it already," my son said after negotiating the annual schedule
screw-up a few days before school started. "I hate it already," I thought a week
later as I affixed my signature to the requisite stack of papers. (You can
always tell how asinine an organization is by how many papers are required to
cover its ass.)
July, 2005
One of the loveliest things about getting away is returning home; returning
to those particular comforts you'd grown accustomed to that others don't seem
to deem necessary. After two weeks in climes held captive by the sun, I
greeted our fine feathered fog with the delight of a long lost lover. Yes, that
exact same fog which we complain about vociferously, which we even have driven
east to escape with much mumbling and mutterings, that now friendly and
fortuitous fog which soothes skin sucked dry and weaves a blanket around cool night's
sleep undisturbed by the roar of the air conditioner...who would have thought
a grey day could bring such joy?
June, 2005
"I don't really know what I want to do when I grow up," said my high-schooler
as we discussed college possibilities.
"Me either," I said.
"Well, you're running out of time," he grinned.
May, 2005
It was a great retreat: Large swatches of time alone where the silence sank deep into my bones. Anointed scriptures, quotes and questions that stirred the quieted heart. Ample time to share with others--in the large group, in small prayer groups, in casual time around the table. Creative nudges through various artistic tasks that expressed more than we knew we were saying.
April, 2005
Held as we are by the cords of our sin, it is a great mercy to find not only
forgiveness, but a loosening of the bonds, a freeing from the cycle of
degradation--from continually finding ourselves doing again what we know is not good.
March, 2005
Some years ago I sat stuck in a parking lot, immobilized by the turbulence
within. Trying get a handle on the swirling abyss, I sought a word, a name for
the feelings. What came to mind was "powerless." I had been wounded at
depths I barely knew existed, had lost the treasure wherein I had invested my
heart, and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt utterly powerless.
February,
2005
Helping each other is the axis on which the world turns; both the
satisfactory exchange of goods and services, (which can get muddled enough, God knows)
and the freely offered aid to someone in need. In this time when terms like
"self-sacrifice" are bandied about, the question arises, "To what extent am I
supposed to sacrifice my time/money/self on the altar of someone's sin and
selfishness?"
January,
2005
There is an altar, round which a few are gathered week by week; an altar made of driftwood burnished bright. I would love to sit within the branches, a small feathered thing; a baby owl nestled in the woven wood, tucked in safe with treasure held above; surrounded by song and His wondrous love.
December,
2004
On the third Sunday of Advent, I belatedly unpacked the advent box. The
golden ring, which by now should have held partially burnt pink and purple
candles, rested disconsolately by the side of the box. The candles stood by, but
Michael, who usually found greens for the wreath, had gone skiing.
November,
2004
On more than one occasion I have written myself into a corner. However, I am now walled in, floor to ceiling books and papers wherever I turn. Instead of enemies, my footstool is stacked with friends: books waiting to be finished, started, written about, passed on. No room for feet, except carefully balanced atop a teetering stack. If one falls, it takes root, like a runner from a strawberry plant, and grows into a whole new pile.
October,
2004
Hot and dry...parched people. Life barely moving. Oh, my people--sin piled
on sin, pain multiplying in the wake of greed and lust; tears evaporating
before they hit the dust. Dry lifeless eyes--past hope, numb endurance; another
day, another moment.
September,
2004
They say you can't fight city hall, though most of us do in one way or
another. If not the government, than some other institution where we find ourselves
lost in a telephone maze, or standing in slack jawed amazement at some
bureaucratic BS that is interruptive to the very thing the institution is supposed
to be serving.
August,
2004
It was a place where love bloomed. Not the romantic streets of an exotic
night, or the luxurious suite of a Hollywood set; rather the action took
place in unexpected corners: sometimes dusty, often shabby; chipped Formica tables
under glaring florescent lights, rickety park benches scarred with names
crying out for recognition.
July,
2004
July is Christian Community month for us: The Big Sur Camping & Crawdad
Society drew forty folk for relaxing, feasting, river play and goofy songs around
the campfire; and Family Camp at the conference center in Oakhurst brought
together seventy folk for a week of worship, prayer, fellowship, teaching, water
play, disc golf, marshmallow roasts, creative experiments and goofy songs in
the chapel. Draped around our living room in a post-camp glow, we talk of a
possible Winter Family Gathering. Let me know if you have any bright ideas for
a time & place.
June,
2004
Moses' staff, flung onto the ground, became a writhing snake; the moment's
flamboyant magic exposing a deeper message: Drop the authority you've been
given and it becomes a hissing serpent.
Standing as we are, knee deep in a pit of vipers, it is easy enough to
rail against the mess. More to the point would be to reach down and grab a
slithering beast by the throat. Give it a shake and it will become a staff of
authority in your hand. There is, as Mother Teresa said, always room at the
bottom.
April,
2004
A tattered pamphlet on how to convert Anglicans to the Roman church emerges
from the heap. Books on Evangelicals going Orthodox perch on the shelves.
Others tell about growing up in guilt and ritual and finally discovering Jesus
through the Evangelical church, about fleeing worldly denominations that have
lost sight of the Lord, or about escaping from social and doctrinal legalism
into freedom. ExRomans, exEvangelicals, exFundamentalists, exPentacostalists,
exWord/Faith, exAnglicans, exOrthodox... extra...extra...read all about it.
March,
2004
Lent in Santa Cruz is ridiculous: Trees covered with pink, white and
yellow blossoms. Multicolored flowers springing up everywhere. Soft languid air
breezing through in the high 70's. It is nigh on impossible to feel solemnly
repentant in the midst of such bounteous beauty.
February,
2004
Thursday afternoon. I am theoretically packaging Laura's books to ship
to Berkeley. What I'm ACTUALLY doing is reading one of her books, GIRL MEETS
GOD. It's a memoir of author Lauren Winner's reconciliation of her Jewish
heritage and her relationship with Jesus ($13.95). What I SHOULD be doing is
dealing-with-things; the things in question being the fallout from the drips.
January,
2004
We sang Christmas carols at The Word Shop party; people leaning on the doorjamb, sprawled on the floor or sitting around the table loaded with eclectic offerings. No printed words, no musical accompaniment; just folk calling out a title or bravely launching in--hoping someone would remember the words to the obscure third line...
December,
2003
I sat in the healing service feeling prickly: easily offended, old wounds ready to flare at any minute. Desert imagery came forth. I realized that being a prickly cactus is a good thing if you live in the desert. Then I thought of the Christmas cactus in my bedroom. Most of the time it doesn't look like much. A bunch of straggly green arms. Easily ignored. Then in the late fall, red drops appear at the end each branch. You blink and suddenly BOWANZA.
November,
2003
A veritable tsunami of books has swept into the store; a tidal wave that threatened to overwhelm our little craft. Rising up sputtering and gasping, I blinked away the water and discovered great treasures: gorgeous art books, biographies, current fiction and classics--many in extra fine condition.
September,
2003
A number of years ago, when I began to suspect that some of my problems with the pastor were wrapped around his secret homosexual identity, a friend suggested I read Leanne Payne's books. My friend had turned from a lesbian orientation, joined YWAM and pointed to THE BROKEN IMAGE, and CRISIS IN MASCULINITY as books that had aided her healing. A year or two later Payne's THE HEALING PRESENCE came out; the best book I read all that year. Along with gaining an understanding of how deep prayer counseling can work, I appreciated the book's delineation of Jung's gifts to psychology, both his positive attributes and his clear departures from Christian rationale.
August,
2003
From the outset forgiveness of sin was a primary gift of grace; not the mere shrug of "that's OK--who cares," but rather a dynamic "go and sin no more" that delivers release from shame and freedom from the snares of destructive patterns. Testimonies from the New Testament onward continually tell stories of lives changed, of freedom from bondage, of hearts set free.
June,
2003
On our 3rd morning in Portland, after a particularly rocky night, I was staggering around our hotel room muttering lines from Macbeth and wondering when the 'pause' part of menopause was going to kick in.
May,
2003
It was a tough two days. I tried to navigate around the hot, inner point of fury; lest it boil over and scald those I most love. I actually remembered to pray once or twice, and aimed for the images that floated in unbidden. Not that I wanted to go there. Not that I was able to make a blind leap of faith or muster up some form of heroic obedience.
April,
2003
On Palm Sunday we move with breathless speed from shouting "Hosanna" and waving triumphant branches to yelling "crucify him" through contorted lips. It is a reminder of the fickle nature of public opinion; that yesterday's hero can become tomorrow's victim, that we change our minds with the ruthless ease that comes of long practice.
March,
2003
The thief comes to mind. The one crucified next to Jesus who said, "Lord, remember me when you come into your kingdom." It's an essentially selfish prayer; a prayer by someone still looking out for number one. Not exactly a great moment of faith. What other options did he have? End of the line. Throw your dice here. What have you got to lose?
February,
2003
The buying of books is an odd thing. I sauntered down Pacific Ave. one afternoon, stomach nicely filled with blackened salmon Caesar salad from a rare lunch out with my husband. The idea was to burn off one or two of the several hundred calories I'd just consumed.
September,
2002
Katy (age 13) writes that she recommends A WALK TO REMEMBER by Nicholas Sparks. And she adds, "if any one thinks, 'Oh I have seen the movie I don't need to read the book,' you are wrong. The book is totally different."
August,
2002
June slipped away. July slipped away. I figured I better grab August by the neck before the whole concept of a monthly newsletter slips away. Fortunately, people have been writing me about books:
May,
2002
The worst part of our 7 week prayer/study with Foster's STREAMS OF LIVING WATERS was sitting in my chair with my afternoon cup of coffee, utterly entranced with some turn of the pages and wishing that you were sharing this wonder with me.
Almost as bad was the list of folk at the beginning of each chapter, exemplifying the stream under consideration;
March,
2002
The bottom line on the upper room is disciples waiting together to see what God will do. Between the Ascension and Pentecost, they waited in prayer and unity for the promise of the Father. I'm usually so exhausted after running the gauntlet of Holy Week and Easter, that the thought of doing anything churchy at that point is fairly repugnant. However, in this particular mid-March moment, having a prayer time at The Word Shop between Easter and Pentecost sounds like a fine idea. I'm thinking 9 -10 on Wednesday mornings, beginning April 3. Would anyone care to wait with me? Several folk hailing from and praying for different churches would rejoice my heart.
November,
2001
The Word Shop staff is an odd conglomeration of folk; each of us wounded and weird in our own way, yet committed to His way--His light fractured and shadowed on the planes of our personalities, yet light shining forth nonetheless--a city on the hill.
April,
2001
Sometimes I feel like a little lost lamb, hiding under a rocky overhang,
hoping the shepherd will come and find me. How did I get separated from
the flock? The wolves came, the hireling fled...or maybe I just wandered
off. It doesn't matter. There's a bit of grass, a stream flowing by and
some safety in a corner of the rock. Will the shepherd come find me and
carry me home rejoicing? Sometimes I get tired of waiting.
Official Pastors are too busy keeping their own little boats afloat to
be out searching for lost sheep. So who is looking? Who?
March,
2001
God's economy is different: it's not based on fair trade or supply & demand
or market value. The market value of a human life was fairly negligible
when Christ died for us; signing in blood our eternal worth.
January,
2001
Ordinary time. The various festivities of Christmas & New Years left behind.
Time to get the flakes (snow!) off the window. An uncluttered livingroom.
A miraculously cleaned home office. In between doing last year's accounts,
I cruise office supply stores looking for the perfect system to Organize
My Life.
December,
2000
It happened again. Despite the press of Daily Life; the press of daily
life augmented and magnified by Christmas Concerns; the shopping and cooking,
decorating and wrapping, writing and lighting; Despite the hustle and
bustle and hurry and flurry, not to even mention the harangues from various
pulpits on how This Is Not What Jesus Wants (thanks a lot, guys); Despite
the fact that this whole undertaking was undertook ON TOP OF various other
crisis large and small (I mean it's not like everything else just STOPS
because Christmas is coming); Even still, God Showed Up.
November,
2000
Thinking of Christ the King, I imagined a small hamlet hidden in the mountains;
a young boy running through the village shouting, "the King is coming."
Thundering hooves, banners flying; a barefoot girl has only time to grab
a handful of wildflowers and tuck a stray hair behind her ear. Will the
King accept such a simple offering?
October,
2000
The New Testament shelf is packed. Fact is, believers rarely come in and
buy a paperback N.T. Oh, they may on occasion want an Amplified, J.B.
Philips, or Message Bible to get the shading of a different version. Or
some stray person might notice the Serendipity N.T. with its questions
for group studies. But the stacks of NIV KJV Living NE TE and NAS tend
to just sit.
September,
2000
The unity of the Church is an article of faith; a gift of the Holy Spirit.
Happy are we when we recognize that unity across the centuries, through
denominational and cultural barriers, or in the midst of our present personal
struggles. Jesus knows his own.
OUR USED BOOKS ON PRAYER are now listed on abebooks.com and on our web
page http://www.companyofsaints.com/hotreads/prayer.html
Going at present rate, we ought to have all our books listed by the beginning
of the next millennium
August,
2000
Prayer was the theme of this year's Family Camp and the hottest selling
book was EXPERIENCING THE DEPTHS OF JESUS CHRIST $8.95. Written in the
late 1600's the book was publicly burned, with author Jeanne Guyon denounced
as a heretic and imprisoned in Bastille. Here's the original title: SHORT
AND VERY EASY METHOD OF PRAYER; WHICH ALL CAN PRACTICE WITH GREATEST FACILITY
AND ARRIVE IN A SHORT TIME, BY ITS MEANS, AT A HIGH DEGREE OF PERFECTION.
Among others this book influenced the Quakers, Moravians, John Wesley
and Watchman Nee.
July,
2000
Robert and I went from bookstore to library, lured by the Summer Reading
Program and its promise of earning ducats. While he gathered up THE SPOOKSTERS
HANDBOOK and PIRATES, I wandered aimlessly, picking up an antique price
guide for Marc, who is unloading my mother's storage unit, and John Irving's
CIDER HOUSE RULES for myself. "Just what I need, another book," I muttered
darkly at the check-out counter.
June,
2000
The Word Shop continues to be an oasis of peace in the midst of a bustling
world, an open door, a place to discover great saints and funny ducks...all
beloved of God. In order to maintain our already odd hours, we need 7
weekly volunteers, most doing three hour shifts. We currently have 5 of
us with various staff members traipsing about the country, tending children
out of school, or just plain goofing off.
Local folk who know Jesus as Lord and Savior can commit a weekly time
slot to reading, praying and fellowshipping with whoever walks in the
door.
April-May,
2000
SIMON'S NIGHT is a simple, beautiful novel (as the book jacket proclaims)
by Jon Hassler that I discovered on our Steals & Deals shelf ($1 Cloth
50¢ Paper). It almost went into the free box, but I got interested in
this tale of a retired English professor, who decided to check himself
into a private rest home.
March,
2000
He sat in the chair across from our desk, a grizzled old codger aglow
with the Spirit. "I used to be in this little evangelical church," he
explained. "It wasn't going anywhere and neither was I. In North Dakota,"
he added quickly with a wave of his arm as if to ward of the tentacles
of gossip: What church? Where? What brand?
February,
2000
Sometimes I do odd things. Once I picked up a copy of Joan Baez's memoir
at the flea market. I had been reading a lot of Chuck Colsen's work, and
as I finished AND A VOICE TO SING WITH, I was struck by a similarity between
these two. Each had strained after righteousness and had found it in concern
for the littlest and lost, those bound and imprisoned.
January,
2000
The day I stopped worrying about The Word Shop finances was a summer time
Friday several years ago. I had barely unlocked the door and put out the
flag when a fast talking black evangelist stepped through the threshold.
He had a large sports bag with a Bible sticking out of a side pocket.
In a long tale of woe laced liberally with scripture, he told me that
his car had broken down and he needed $45 bus fare to get home. Now at
the time I was splitting every $100 personal tithe, $50 for my church
and $50 to some place else...
December,
1999
'Twas a bright and shining idea, a many faceted jewel spinning brilliantly
between heart and mind. Caught by words, it suddenly developed feet of
clay and trudged ponderously across the narrow lined page.
Why leave the spacious wonders on high and descend to the depths of common
language? Why not dance in breathtaking beauty, alone, unsullied by the
limitations of words and phrases?
November,
1999
He came in a year ago, hung over and trying to stay sober for a day. He's
been back every Monday for a year, checking in and celebrating each milestone:
one week, three months, a year of sobriety.
One Monday Lynn stopped by to say hello and swab down our bathroom. "What's
really amazing about this place," He said as he realized she regularly
dropped in and emptied the trash or did some other chore, "is how people
just give into it. Time, books, things...this is not really a business,
it's more like a club."
October,
1999
Rolling toward our 4th birthday, we are grateful for all who have sustained
this little witness to the love of God in Christ Jesus. Thank you for
buying books, for your generous donations, for your friendship and your
prayers.
If you haven't been in for a while, you will be surprised at the number
and breadth of the books on our shelves. I've been told that we have the
largest selection of used Christian books for sale in a 100 mile radius.
September,
1999
I love that we have a God who speaks. As the psalmist says, we don't worship
dumb idols. "The word of god is like potato chips," a beloved Bishop once
remarked. "Even though one word is so full and rich it can keep you going
for years, you can,t eat just one. You always want more."